21st Sunday Ordinary Time, year B | John 6:60-69
Some year ago, I had an experience in confession that was very important for me. I was in university at the time and experiencing doubts when it came to religion. Was Jesus really who he said he was? Was the Catholic Church really founded by Jesus? Are the teachings of the Church right? While waiting to go to confession, I was looking through an examination of conscience that was sitting in the Church. What I read seems to suggest that doubting in God was a sin. This surprised me so I brought it up with the priest in confession. Was I sinning by having doubts? What the priest said to me in response was very helpful. He said that having doubts is normal, it is not a sin. What is important is what we do when we experience doubts. Do we keep searching, seeking to understand? Or, do we just give up?
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| Elihu Vedder [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons |
In the Gospel today (John 6:60-69), many of Jesus’ disciples let their doubt overcome them and leave Christ. This passage is found at the end of Jesus’ Bread of Life discourse. In this, Jesus has explained to people that he is the Bread of Life both because his teaching nourishes and gives life and because he gives himself to us in the Eucharist. If we eat Jesus, the Bread of Life, both in the Eucharist and by following his teaching, we will have eternal life. Jesus will raise us up after we die. For many who heard Jesus, this teaching was beyond belief. “This saying is hard; who can accept it.” Many, in fact, could not accept Jesus’ teaching and were overcome by their doubts. As a result, “many of his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him”.
When we experience doubts about God or the Church, it is very helpful and necessary to focus our attention - our heart and thoughts - squarely on Jesus. After many of his disciples leave him, Jesus says to the twelve, “do you also want to leave?” To this, Peter responds, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.” Do Peter’s words indicate that he was not experiencing doubts like the others? It seems that Peter too doubted. Peter’s response, however, shows he has experienced something incredibly powerful by living close to Jesus and hearing his words. He had experienced life and holiness. Perhaps he struggled to accept all that Jesus had said. At the same time, nothing else mattered except staying close to Jesus. To whom else would he turn? Peter is an example for us when we have doubts. Perhaps we struggle with accepting some teaching, whether it be on the Eucharist or some moral issue. Or, with all the revelations that have arisen recently abuse the terrible crimes and cover-ups committed by leaders in the Church, it is only natural to have doubts. Can this really be the Church that Jesus founded? Or, maybe in the midst of suffering, whether it be with your health or in a relationship, you struggle to see how God is with you. Where is Jesus when I am in this pain? These doubts can be unnerving. To get through them, we, like Peter, need to focus on Jesus. We need to remind ourselves of the life and goodness we have experienced by following Jesus. He will strengthen us and show us the way forward. To whom else will we turn if not to Jesus?
In order to stay close to Jesus during times of doubt, we need to stay in close contact with his words. Remember that Peter said “to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life”. Although we can hear the words of Jesus in various ways, an indispensible way is by reading the Gospels. There we encounter Jesus and hear his words. These words give encouragement, direction, and strength. At times of doubt and struggle, therefore, it is important to read the Gospels. Now, it is true that we hear the Gospel each time we come to Mass. There is, however, a difference when we sit down and read an entire Gospel, or a large chunk of it. When we do this, we get a more real, complex and compelling picture of who Jesus is and what he said. Reading a Gospel takes less time than we think. For example, the Gospel of Mark takes less than an hour and a half to read. This is about the same amount of time that, according to one study, the average person spends a day watching Netflix. If we don’t like to read, it is easier than ever to listen to the Gospels, whether it be in a podcast or audiobook. It is even possible to buy a recording of a famous person, like Johnny Cash, for example, reading the Gospel. We can listen to a Gospel, or large part of one, on our commute or when we are out for a walk.
Having doubts about God, the Church or certain teachings is a normal part of our lives. What is important is what we do with these doubts. When we experience doubt, let us, like Peter, focus our attention on Jesus. “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life”. He will encourage us and show us the way forward. What will you do to make sure that you will hear the life-giving words of Jesus in the Gospel?
